Rory's Daycare BooBoo

And the verdict is.....

VIRAL! After we took her to the children's hospital because 2 visits to the clinic and 2 different antibiotic drops did not help her eyes, the hospital said that it is viral, and to discontinue the drops. The breathing issues....VIRAL! The chronic cold...Back to back viruses. We are still seeking an allergy referral though, because she's been "mouth-breathing" since at least July, long before we sent her to the germ factory also known as daycare. I'm keeping her home until Monday, since she is still contagious as long as her eyes have discharge. The daycare had no apologies for rubbing her eye raw, either. They've been warned!!! The next time they don't call me when I specifically ask to be, heads will be rolling. I made record of it today at the hospital, in case they decide to be idiots again and do something crazy, like rub a babies swollen crusty eyes with something other than a warm cloth, when all they had to do was CALL ME!!!! Okay, I'm done. :)

Pink eye, poor weight gain, and possible breathing problems

So, Rory was weighed last week. She's almost 20 months old, and weighed 18lbs 11oz. She has lost and gained in between, but that is only a 1 lb 4 oz gain total in 8 months. Now that her reflux has been good, and she is eating, we are wondering if there is something else going on. She has been holding her breath for many months now. When I mentioned this to her doctor, she said she recalled us mentioning it before when she was younger. Well, it seems to be getting worse. She has had a cough and cold going on 6 weeks, which we attribute to daycare. Unfortunately, the breath holding has too. The doctor seems to think it is just "Rory", that it is nothing to worry about, since she has always done it to some extent. We are wondering if she is actually having trouble breathing, and if it could cause her to burn up all her calories. The video makes it sound like she is just stuffy, but I assure you that this has been ongoing well before she got her "cold that never quits". It is all day, every day. To top it all off, she has had pink eye in both her eyes since Thursday afternoon when I picked her up from daycare. Four days of drops have done nothing. We are off to the walk-in clinic tomorrow, since the dr's office is closed for Remembrance Day. To hear the breathing video, turn up your volume.

Pectus Excavatum

That is what is wrong with Rory's chest. The doctors assure us there is nothing to worry about, that it did not cause her reflux or growth issues, it isn't affecting her heart or lungs, so we are very relieved. We are hoping she will outgrow it and it won't become a cosmetic issue for her. She's beautiful regardless. Now we can get some sleep :) We've given her pediatrician the boot, and will be seeing her family doctor to find out about the bloating and rashes she's been having. But all in all, very relieved.

Our latest concern

Rory is eating wonderfully, but in full Rory fashion, she has given us MORE to worry about. Her huge tummy, not sure what's causing it, but it's made the hole in her chest much more pronounced. We're supposed to see the ped Thursday but we are hoping to get her in sooner to be seen.

Pictures

A blog NOT about Rory!

I need to VENT! This blog entry is not about Rory. She is doing GREAT! This one is about how the best laid plans always turn to CRAP!!

So, we don't qualify for a childcare subsidy. Oh well. Student loans. No more interest relief. No reducing the payments by increasing the term, it's already maxed. No debt reduction, we GROSS too much. Apparently the gov't doesn't care how much they TAKE or how a persons gross is VERY different than what they NET. So, it looks like 3/4 of what I would be making at Eastlink is taken by loans and daycare....and a bus pass and a cell package...so I'll be working for nothing.

EASTLINK...ah, Eastlink. They wanted me back ssooooo bad, but forgot to mention to my temp agency until today that it will be SHIFT WORK!!! Not going to happen. So, as of the first of the month we'll owe our rent, daycare, student loans and I don't even have a flippin' job. LOVELY!!!!

The upside is that hopefully they will find me something downtown close to the daycare. Eastlink was across the city and meant 5 bus rides for the day. I'm praying they find me something soon so I can stop worrying!!!

Rory is eating and still no weight gain!!

I'll admit it. I'm bummed. I wasn't going to weigh her, but the curiousity got the better of me. She's been eating so well, I thought for sure she would have gained (well, I was hoping....she didn't look bigger). She weighed 18lbs 5 oz today, the same as 2 weeks ago and just under a pound gained in 5 months. I'm bummed. But really, it is sooo enjoyable to watch her eat. We went to McD's yesterday while shopping (a girls day out so to speak) and I bought her a jar of baby food, Apples & Strawberries, just to satisfy the motherly side of me who said "you can't give your baby salty fries only).....and to my surprise she ate half the jar, fries, cheerios and hot fudge sundae...I fed her the white part and kept the fudge for myself :). It's thoroughly life changing. BUT I still can't help myself...I NEED to worry.

My friends at PAGER and I were discussing what would happen if she were to get sick. The thought hadn't crossed my mind, but it's a legitimate concern considering she'll be starting daycare next month and has never really been exposed to much in the apartment. Well, wouldn't you know, she woke up from nap early, and feeling quite miserable. Not sure what's going on. She ate a CRAP LOAD of KD for lunch...but her nose is runny...cold....teeth? Not sure. She's really whiny, which is sort of rare....so of course, I had to take some pictures :P

What I mean by *ribby*

Rory swimming at Grand Lake. She is soooo ribby. Her little swimmers are a size small, and are still too big!!!

Update on Rory

K, I'm the suckiest blogger lately....but I have good reason. Rory has been keeping me very busy. She is so active!

The last month has been very productive. Rory's eating has improved drastically. We've put her on cold bottles, self-fed only, "cold turkey" and while I had apprehension about doing this, it has actually increased her appetite, because she's only drinking about 22 to 24 oz a day, instead of 26 to 30 oz.

While she is eating very nicely, with few refusals and lots of self-feeding, the quantity she consumes is still not there. However, we hope that it will come with time. Things Rory has eaten in the last month:

Cheerios, Cheese, Soup puree, homemade fruit sherbet, cottage cheese, yogurt, bread & butter, scrambled/fried eggs, blueberries, corn, kidney beans (once), stage 2 baby food, hot dogs chopped and mixed with ketchup, any deli meat, cereal, banana, spaghetti, potatoes and cream cheese, arrowroot cookies, cheezies. She is accepting meat and veggies separately but still not swallowing them. This variety though, has allowed me to offer something different at each meal and snack throughout the day. I just can't believe how far she's come. She still will only eat about an oz of food at a sitting, sometimes less, but because I'm offering food at 2 hour intervals, she gets a lot over the course of the day!!!! The biggest accomplishment is that she's not whining and swatting (at least on good days she's not, we still have bad days).

Her sleeping is still hit or miss. I can't put my finger on the reason. It appears to be tummy pain, but it's not every night and she's fine during the day. It could be a particular food, I suppose, but I'd never figure it out, because I'm not cutting anything out now that she's actually eating.

The only down side to all of this is that I'm afraid she's losing weight, or at least not gaining. She appears very very ribby to me. She'll be 17 months on Sunday, and I'm guessing she's still not 18 1/2 lbs. I'm going to take her to be weighed on Monday, hopefully just to ease my mind. I'm sure it will take a while for her to catch up, weight-wise. I'd LOVE to see her hit 20lbs before she starts daycare, because then the onus is on them to get her to eat, and I'm still not sure how that will go.

I see a lot of children through my support groups online, both with and without medical conditions as well as reflux. Rory is VERY small. I know it's partly genetic, but I still can't help but feel like I should be doing *something* to fatten her up a bit. Whether she needs a higher calorie formula or some kind of supplement, I'm not sure. Her weight on Monday will determine whether I call her pediatrician to discuss this concern.

I can't even imagine at this point when she will come off the bottle. She just doesn't drink from a cup with the exception of a few sips of water over the course of the day. I offer juice and formula in it, but she just spits it out and avoids the cup entirely. I cannot even fathom trying to put her on a cup the cold turkey way....she just wouldn't survive it.

Anyway, I'm trying not to be concerned....after all, she has come very very far. But she still refluxes throughout the day, and she has started holding her breath after she eats, almost like she's grunting or in discomfort. It's weird. I also have to mention this to the ped. Obviously, the acid isn't an issue according to the scope, but the fact that she regurgitates constantly must be uncomfortable!

Feeding Clinic Appt

Rory had her feeding clinic appt today at lunch. She did very well. She ate 1 1/2 oz of soup cube mixture and 2 small bites of banana off the spoon, 1 of which she fed herself. They were quite impressed, as was I for the fact she ate some banana. Also, while we were in the waiting room a little boy offered her a raspberry and she stuffed the whole thing in her mouth....she later spit it out, but I was impressed because she was very put off by the raspberries mommy had offered her days before.

Weight gain: 2 months ago she weighed 8.34 kg, today she weighed 8.41 kg...I think that works out to 18lbs 5 oz today...three weeks ago she weighed 18lbs 4 oz, but on a different scale. They seem to think any gain is fine, that she is following her curve, sooooo.....I can start doing some things "cold turkey" with her, like, NOT warming the bottle and NOT feeding her the bottle myself. They said she can afford to miss a meal or two because it's more important to develop these skills. Should be interesting.

They also told me NOT to feed her soup every day for lunch, to always try different things. I do always try different things, but there is NO WAY I'm going to stop feeding her the ONE thing I KNOW she'll eat everyday...SORRY!!!!

I know she's come a long way, but I just get the feeling that the clinic is disinterested, like, not at all concerned about the fact that she eats less than 4 oz of food a day, 2 oz of which is SOUP!!!

Anyway, they suggested that I not feed her before bed, and not to feed her when she wakes up at night, and not to feed her the bottle if she won't do it herself....I'm trying to stay positive, but it is counter-intuitive to me. I am going to try hard to adhere to their suggestions. I also got a talking to about using "tangible" reinforcers if I want her to move beyond soup. I'm going to buckle down and try to whip her in shape before daycare starts. But I swear, if this child loses weight.........

We go back on Friday, Sept 19th to "tie" things up and talk more about how she is doing in daycare. I didn't want to book her for an appt after she's in daycare because I can't miss time my first two weeks at work. The psych didn't think we'd know anything after a few days, but if she doesn't do well, I can always take time off to see them again. I think she is actually going to do well there. I'll probably cancel the feeding appt....all they tell me is the same old stuff.

Anyway, please pray that Rory continues to improve her eating so she can transition easily to daycare and please pray that I have the strength to allow her to learn to feed herself. :)

Rory's still not sleeping

Well, we had a wonderful eating week last week, but unfortunately Rory stopped sleeping through the night. She is back to her crappy eating, just picking here and there....but she's still not sleeping. I have been feeding her at night again, because it's the only way to get her to stop screaming. Unfortunately, it is only a short fix before she is up and crying again. Last night I fed her at 11pm and 3 am, she only drank 2 oz each time. I'm fearful it is a vicious cycle. Like, she's not eating again because she's eating more at night, but she's eating more at night because she needs comfort from an upset tummy....OR she's being a little shit and is crying because she KNOWS I'll come to her. I just can't figure it out. She is definitely testing my patience lately. I think it is more frustrating to have her eat for a week and then stop than for her to just NOT eat. AND, I'm afraid that since I veered off course with what the clinic wants me to do, that when we go back in on Aug 5th, Rory will be confused. Obviously, the distraction of the tv was only a temporary novelty for her, because it's no longer working. I have to crack the whip on myself and get back on track. I'm just so sad. I hate that I am inconsistent, I want to be consistent, but honestly, I'm tired. Tired of not seeing consistent results. Tired of not sleeping. Tired of feeling guilty because it's too damn hot to walk anywhere with her. Tired of wasting away our mornings just to get to naptime. I swear, if she wasn't so damn cute I'd trade her in. lol. Naw, I'm keeping her I guess. How could I not? Look at how sweet she is!

Hard to keep up!

I haven't exactly been the best of bloggers lately. Rory keeps me so busy, and when she is napping, so am I usually. She hasn't slept through the night in over a week. She is still waking and screaming. I change her diaper, add or remove cloths as necessary, feed her, burp her, rock her, lay her in her crib, rub her back and head and then tip toe back to bed for a half hour of rest and usually by the time I have fallen asleep, she wakes again.

We've decided after some discussion that it's definitely NOT teeth, and are teetering between the issue being digestion and/or hunger. She has been lunging toward her bottle in the middle of the night like she's starving. Perhaps she is actually having *gasp* a growth spurt???? We are praying this is it and her sleep will soon return.

We went to Rainbow Haven beach yesterday. Rory loved the waves. She would literally run toward the water as a giant six foot wave would come crashing down and we'd have to leap to snatch her up. FEARLESS! That is Rory in a nutshell. FEARLESS. This fact makes mommy extremely FEARFUL. lol.

Rory is going through a phase where she wants to dress herself. It's very funny when she comes out of her room wearing pants on her head or a shirt around her neck. She goes in her dresser and comes out beaming with pride. It's freaking hilarious!!

Well, I must go as Rory is making art on our walls as we speak. Thank god they are washable crayons!

Rory's New Hat!

I love love love her new hat!! She is so stinkin' cute in this outfit. She looks like a girl and not a baby. ADORABLE!!!

Our Friday Outing

Friday, Rory and I had breakfast at 8am, and headed off on the bus downtown to Uncle Mikey's place. Our plan was to take Taylor and Rory to the beach. First, I had to go to Superstore and find something for Rory's feet while in the water and some ready-to-feed formula. (It's been too hot to cart a cooler). They had neither items there. We then took 2 buses to Dartmouth. I got my formula, a straw cup for Rory and sunglasses. Then we went to McD's for lunch. Rory had a couple pieces of salty fries, and a bite of my bun. She wouldn't drink her bottle. So, we get to Kelly & Taylors around 1pm and Rory still will not drink her bottle. We decide to wait until she drinks. By 2pm, she still hadn't had anything to drink. I decided I couldn't take her to the beach. It was too hot and she hadn't had a thing to drink in 6 hours. Taylor, though, being the sweet little girl that she is, was happy to stay home and play with Rory in the kiddie pool in the shaded back yard. :) Rory played for 1/2 hour and then it was 2 buses back home. She finally drank her bottle at 4 pm. A fresh bottle. I had to dump the ready to feed down the drain....what's $3 per bottle, bah, no biggie, lol. All in all, it was nice to get out and see Mikey and Tay and Kelly, but I can't wait for the day we can take Rory out without worrying if she will starve herself.

I love this pic of the girls. Rory is 16 months, Taylor is 6! She was also FTT as a baby and saw the feeding clinic. She's still a teeny tiny thing, but so sweet and smart.

Updates

Rory had her pediatrician appt on Thursday. She weighed 18lbs 4 oz, 29.3 inches tall. This means only a 1 oz gain since May 12th. :( Good news is her biopsy results were negative. All of the feeding issues we deal with are now considered behavioural, as a result of the reflux. While the feeding clinic is satisfied that she is not underweight, the pediatrician and GI still feel we need to fatten her up a bit more. The pediatrician said we could keep her on infant formula and she'd see us back at 18 months. Right now, she is deferring to the feeding & nutrition clinic.

Rory is actually doing well with her eating. We have traded a strict behavioural feeding protocol for a combination of me feeding her and her feeding herself, in front of the tv, lol, which is actually working well. Rory is now eating 2 soup cubes/day, made of cream of chicken soup, pureed porked, broccoli, green beans and peas & carrots, frozen into ice cubes, and she lets me feed her the entire thing without a fight. :) She is also eating ice cream and yogurt, bologna, cheese, toast, cheerios, lil' crunchies, and arrowroot cookies. The quantity is still not there, but she is eating something at every meal and snack. She still outright refuses pieces of fruit, vegetable or meat, which poses a problem for upcoming daycare.

I got the call last week that she will be starting in September. I have an appt on Wednesday morning to see the daycare and discuss her feeding. I'm still waiting on the call from the clinic to discuss what they feel our options are for having the daycare accommodate her. The pediatrician was adament that the feeding clinic will speak with the daycare, since she has a medical condition. She is expected to feed herself lots of things, including fruits and vegetables, which she can only eat pureed in soup at the moment. We were told we couldn't bring in our own food. I'm willing to see how she does eating with the other children, but want to be prepared if she can't eat what they offer. I'm really excited for her though, to spend time with children every day.

Last night for supper, Rory ate a soup cube, 1 tbsp chocolate ice cream and 2 bites of yogurt, and I fed them all to her without a single peep!!! I was so happy that Mike got to see us do that. We were all very proud and happy, even Ror!!! It's so nice when she doesn't swat or whine. Of course, she cried most of the night with tummy pain. At first I thought it was her teeth, so I gave her some ambesol, but when we were on the couch in the wee hours, she let go some "man gas", and then I knew. I feel so bad that when she eats she gets tummy pain. I don't know what is causing it. I'm afraid to admit it's the ice cream because she loves it so much. I limit her to a tbsp because it's chocolate. I really really hope it's not the new soup. I'll find out in a few days I guess.

Pics of our Beauty!!

Rory & Her Dill Pickle

Our Weekend Away

My mom came to visit Saturday morning, which was great. I was missing her and she got to see Rory again. She also brought a baby picture of me to prove how much Rory looks like I did as a baby. She brought Rory a child-sized toy baby grand piano. I cooked breakfast, cleaned up and packed, and we headed to the Valley for Mike's family reunion. It was nice to meet his relatives and see his family again. After the fabulous eating day Rory had on Friday, we were very eager to go away and enjoy ourselves while Rory ate everything we fed her and all would be well in the world....until she decided not to eat any breakfast. Not even a bite. She had her usual cheerios and cheese for snack, and had some mushroom soup for lunch. She actually ate quite well at the reunion, sitting in her stroller. We just fed her stuff off our plates, ham, cheese, bun, she licked some dip off of some broccolli, and had three big spoonfuls of fruit dip. Satisfied she had eaten, we relaxed and watched her playing with the other children, squealing and being chased and doing the chasing, and running and falling and really, she had the time of her life.

Figuring she must be tired, having only napped for 45 min that day in the car, we head home and attempt to put her to bed, which, as she always does when we're away, she refused to do. So we let her stay up, penned in her playpen (we were so tired from chasing her all day). The child just would not fall asleep. So at 10pm, I take her upstairs and go to bed too, with her in the playpen beside me. She eventually falls asleep for about an hour, and wakes up SCREAMING....I tried to settle her and she would, but only momentarily and then it was screaming on and off all night. Mike decided to sleep downstairs to I took her in bed with me....but she would fall asleep and still wake up screaming. She wouldn't eat, so I determined she was in pain, ambesol did nothing....A tummy ache from the mish mash of food she had eaten.......the night is a blur, but I'm pretty sure she slept a couple hours in the early morning. When the sun came up and I had my coffee I realized it.......NO PREVACID!!! With all the excitement and change of routine, I had forgotten to give it to her before bed. It was all my fault. :(

So, on very little sleep, and Rory refusing breakfast we decided we'd try again to relax, and headed off to the beach with Christine, Terry & Jack. I swam for the first time in 2 years....it was so nice. Rory was shivering before we even made it to the water, so I decided not to take her in. Christine took her in while Mike & I ate some lunch, and she enjoyed herself, though, she was pretty cold. Rory decided she wanted to eat our onion rings, though she could only lick them. She didn't want baby food. When we got back to Mike's parents, she had 3 bites of tomato soup, another first for her, and for supper she ate some baked potato. It took 2 hours to get her to go to sleep when we got home. It took TEN oz of formula to get her to settle.

Could she be fighting bedtime because she is hungry? I usually don't give her more than 8 oz for fear she'll puke, but she took 10 oz last night and was asleep before I laid her in the crib. Mind you, it was 10 oz over 2 hours. It makes sense she'd be hungry, she mostly only gets formula. I'd feel terrible if I was letting her cry at bedtime, going in and out and in and out, all because she wants more formula....I sure hope that's not what it is. I thought it was a phase. :(

Not one bite of breakfast today...

and that's all I'm going to say about that. :(

Rory eating Blueberry Baby Food!!!

Not only is she eating FRUIT but it's BABY FOOD!!!!! AND she fed it to herself with the spoon and her fingers, and also let me feed her some. Seriously, it's like a whole new world today. :) She ate 1 egg yolk and 1 tbsp yogurt for breakfast and some sliced turkey and 3 cheese cubes for snack.....and 2 tbsp mushroom soup and 1 1/2 tbsp blueberry baby food for lunch, she had her first sucker today, had 1 tbsp cream chicken soup with pureed chicken, peas and carrots mixed in for supper and more blueberry baby food for dessert, PLUS 26 oz of formula and TWO sips of milk/yogurt drink from a straw....I am literally over the moon today!!! It was all without a fight, that's the most important thing. I don't even care about the mess if she EATS!!!! YAY for Rory!!!! It's like I had a normal baby today, and for the first time in her life, I was looking forward to her next meal. I sure hope she keeps this up.

Broke the rules

This morning I broke the psychologist's rules and fed Rory in front of the TV. We'd tried this in the past, but never really got anywhere. Now that she's older, she immersed herself in Elmo's world and ATE her breakfast!!! Without a peep. We aren't supposed to use distraction, but I mean, good grief, she ATE!! I took a hard boiled egg yolk, mashed in some cream cheese and whole milk so that is was a nice fluffy consistency, and she ate it all. So, I decided to try some yogurt, and she ate a whole tbsp. I gave her the bowl with the other tbsp of yogurt and a spoon, and she tipped up the bowl and sucked the yogurt out, AND she fed herself one bite from the spoon!! So, I was like, okay, let's try something else. So I put her formula in a cup, get a straw, and she sucked up the first drink and spit it out, but she actually swallowed two more drinks after that....this child does not drink like this EVER.....I'm trying not to get too excited, because, in the long term, we won't be able to use TV, like at daycare or if we're out.....BUT SHE ATE YOGURT!!!!! I really needed this today.

Rory & Goldfish Crackers

So, last week, I discussed my concern about Rory thrusting goldfish crackers with the feeding clinic. I don't know why, but I'm obsessed with getting her to eat these. It's like, the "gold" standard of baby snack foods. Well, Rory decided to take a bite and swallow it, once again making me look over reactive at the clinic. Well, she hasn't eaten a bite of one since without spitting it out, so today I got video of it. I am going to take this video with me to our next appointment. The co-ordinator felt that Rory was tongue thrusting due to preference, which didn't settle well with me because she likes goldfish crackers, but it appears to me like she CAN'T physically eat them. What do you think? It just seems weird that this is how my 16 month old eats a cracker. You can hear her refluxing too, if you listen carefully....oh, and the self-gag on the tray, lovely. She's just not feeling well enough to eat. She's healthy, other than reflux, so WHY won't they let us treat the reflux with a different medication????? Sheesh. I may actually beg at her ped's appt on the 17th.

Positive reinforcement continued...

After the telephone rang, it was all downhill from there. I'm technically supposed to ignore her for longer periods, and I probably shouldn't have rewarded her for spitting her food, but she IS trying. I wish there was one magical puree that she would eat consistently, that had meat, grains, and vegetables in it. :) Or vegetable stuffed cheese or something....oooh, fruity cheezies......or 50 calorie cheerios. I'm sooooo frustrated. I want her off the bottle, drinking juice, and willingly eating FOOD!!!!!!

Positive Reinforcement

Rory is having a really rough week with eating. My optimism is gone. She is refusing just about everything again. She understands what she has to do for reward and praise, but she's having a really difficult time doing it. She's getting more teeth, her reflux is acting up, so I'm trying to be patient with the "positive reinforcement" approach, but right now I just don't think it is going to cut it. Please excuse the "baby talk" in the video. I'm trying to stop, but it's really hard. hehehe The rest of the video will be posted above.

Who is this screaming child???

I don't know what is up with Ror this week, but she has been miserable. I'm assuming it's teeth, but she's never been this bad with teeth. A phase maybe? She literally screamed for two hours straight last night. I would soothe her to sleep, put her in her crib, and as soon as I attempted one foot out the door, SCREAMING inconsolably. And it's not just bedtime. Today she cried and cried for no apparent reason. Yesterday, she didn't want to nap, so I thought that might have been the cause, but really, she's been grumpy all week. She's starting to show a temper too. I just don't know where my sweet Rory is. She was sooooo bad in the dentist's office tonight, and Mike took her home kicking and screaming while I was getting x-rays. Ugh. I could literally hear her screaming on the outside of our apartment building, but by the time I got upstairs, she had cried herself to sleep. Mike was really frustrated, but I told him this was actually positive because HE put her to bed. :) YAY!!! I really hope it's just her teeth and that this screaming will pass. I don't know how to deal with it, because she's usually pretty happy.

Rory's First Time in the Ocean

We took Rory out to Hubbards to visit with Morgan B at her campsite today. She loved feeling the water on her feet. Then she fell in. LOL! It was cold and so was she, but she didn't complain one bit. It was my first experience with a "sandy" child though....that was NOT fun!! It was a great day, except for the MAJOR puke when we got home. :( Poor bug, she got so sick. She only took 4 oz at bedtime, so I imagine I'll be up with her tonight. I think the campfire smoke, the car ride home, and the cheezie pig out, all made for an upset tummy. But she had fun, so that's the most important thing. :)

Rory's Run-in with Ranch Dressing

Sigh. Yet another thing she LOVES that she can't have. What is it with dips? Hummus, roasted red pepper dip, ranch dressing....all cause rashes. It really sucks because dips are so easy for her to lick. Boooooo!

Rory Posing in her new outfit

Thank you so much Jeannie!!! I bought her a skirt sized 18 months that sat nicely around her ankles. I was so happy to get a size that actually fits. YAY!! Good call on the 12 months. :) She is sooo cute, and she KNOWS it. LOL.

Rory's 2nd Feeding Session

I took Rory to her second visit with the feeding clinic today. I took pureed haddock and carrots, mixed into milky potatotes. Rory LOVES this stuff, but only loves it a tbsp at a time. I told the psychologist that she usually gives up at around 5 bites. It's so weird because it is almost ALWAYS at the 5-bite point. It's pleasing to know we can at least get to this point now, because a month ago, if it was a puree, we got nowhere. Anyway, unlike last time, Rory decided to behave as she normally does at home. Right at the 5 bite mark she would take the bite and spit it out. She continued doing this, all the while we are ignoring her each time. Well, she had a meltdown, screaming, crying, etc. I told them, I don't usually allow it to get to that point, I will just end the meal. Here's the funny part......they actually got her to take a bite AFTER the tantrum, which I've never been able to do. They feel confident that we just have to continue with the positive re-inforcement, and that she will eventually eat. My concern is the small amount she's eating at one sitting. They figure we should reduce her formula intake, but that I should figure this out with the pediatrician on July 17th, and they would like to see us back again on August 5th, to follow up with her weight, see how things are going and do another feeding. I feel terrible for saying this, but I feel a sort of 'satisfaction' from Rory showing them her true colours when it comes to meal time. They also said they were glad to get a real sense of our mealtime issues. I mean, she actually stopped eating at the exact bite I had reported to them over the phone and in person. LOL. Anyway, she is making great strides with what she will try to eat, it's just a matter now of getting her to eat MORE. :) We can work with that.

Rory's Endoscopy

Sorry it has taken so long to update. My friend Morgan flew in from Spain and stayed with us for a couple days before heading to Cape Breton for the summer. It was soooo great to see her.

Rory did fabulously, before, during and after. She handled the sedation very well, and the whole process took about an hour. She wasn't cranky or hungry at all. She had a few sips of water before we left. The GI said he didn't see any obvious damage, so needless to say, we are VERY relieved. I was fully expecting them to "see" something, so now I can learn to relax knowing there is no damage to her esophagus.

We have to wait a couple of weeks for the biopsy results, but we're feeling confident that they will be fine. We've accepted that she is just a poor eater based on her past, and will always be a small little girl. I've decided to only offer her a couple things at each meal, and if she eats GREAT, if not, no big deal. She's actually done well all weekend. She is once again eating bread and toast and eggs, she loves her snacks and cheese and bologna, and last night she ate potatoes with carrots mashed into them, which is also a first for her. :) It's more and more becoming a quantity issue, so after her feeding clinic appointment on Wednesday, we will hopefully have a plan for increasing her food intake, perhaps by reducing her formula. I'm still very concerned about doing this. They weighed her right before the procedure, on an empty belly, and she weighed 18lbs exactly. I just can't help but feel this is a very poor weight for a 15 month old, but I guess I have to accept that it is okay.

We really feel so relieved and are looking forward to addressing her behavioural issues with food, and moving on to a prevacid-free life with Rory. Thank you to everyone for listening and supporting us. While I know this hasn't been an emergency, life-or-death situation, it's been very frustrating and worrisome for our family to see our daughter not eating as a "normal" baby should. We now realize that part of our stress has been having "expectations" that have not been met, and we now resolve to put aside expectations and let Rory go at her own pace. :) HUGS.

Rory's GI Appt

First off, there was NO puking on the bus. YAY!! In fact, she drank her bottle on the way home, and was passed out cold when we arrived. I know it was risky, but she wanted it.

The nurse weighed and measured her. She's still 18lbs 3 oz, so no gain in 16 days, but that's pretty normal. She did grow in height though. 29 inches tall!

The GI explained the endoscopy and these are the most important things he said:

(1) They will be looking for inflammation and taking biopsies to check for such things as allergies, celiacs, etc. He said they don't scope babies too often, but when they are Rory's age and still haven't outgrown reflux, in addition to her poor feeding, this is the best route to rule out additional problems.
(2) He will come to talk to us after the procedure and give us any information on what he "sees". The biopsies will take a few weeks to report back on.
(3) Any problem he finds will be treatable, and we'll deal with that if anything shows up.
(4) If the scope comes back fine, we will leave her on prevacid and follow up with the feeding clinic. He said her feeding problems can be caused by two things....immediate discomfort OR past discomfort from which she has healed but now exhibits behavioural problems because of it.
(5) Sometimes the scope is fine when in fact the child is still having pretty bad reflux, so we will probably have to wait for her to outgrow it.
(6) He will not prescribe a different medication because he doesn't think it will make any difference.
(7) Sometimes there is no answer to why a child with reflux has feeding problems, but it is extremely common. She may have feeding problems up until pre-puberty (around 8 to 10 years!!) He figures she will always be on the small side, but should take off with puberty.

So now we wait until the morning. Please say some prayers that she does well under anesthesia, and comes out without nausea or any other problems. We are so scared to put her through this, but we feel we have to.

We have to be at the hospital at 7:05am, and they will take her in at 8:35am. Will update when we get home.

Rory the Ham!!

This was intended to be a "chocolate ice cream face" video, but it turned into Rory making faces for the camera. What a little ham!!! We gave her a dish with a bit of ice cream and her own spoon, and she was licking the spoon and loving it! She didn't eat much of it, but she had fun smearing it everywhere! I cannot stop laughing at this video!!!!

Am I saying "NO" wrong or something??

No, no, no, no, no....that is what my days persist of lately. Rory, NO.....NO, Rory......Aurora Jamie, NO! And she just doesn't understand. Or does she? She has no fear of me, whatsoever. Which I guess is good in most ways, but it's not good on the discipline front. It's really tiring. I try to pick my battles, I try to understand she's probably bored. We could spend half an hour reading, coloring, snuggling and as soon as I sit down at the computer....BAM, on the coffee table. I get up and turn the channel from Treehouse to something remotely adult, BAM, in the drawers, up at the window, scaling the back of the couch, digging in the garbage for leftovers.....which I just don't get!!!! She won't eat in her high chair, but will happily munch on some toast crust found sitting on top of the trash. UGH and YUCK!!! NO!!!!

Don't get me wrong. With this new found daredevilism comes lots and lots of laughter. LOTS! There's the new phrase of the week, "uh oh". Turns off the tv....uh oh, rips my magazine to shreds, uh oh. Oh, and the diaper crotch grabbing that now indicates she has pooped and indeed knows it. And to make sure I notice she waves her hand in the air to let me know it smells....peeeeeewwwww!!! But the best of the best of Rory this week has to be the finger up the nose trick! We've tried to tell her it is yucky to stick her finger up her nose.....that she will hurt herself. Nope, she thinks it's hilarious.....probably because neither Mike or I can keep a straight face when she does it. I mean, the first time was by accident, but now she does it on purpose to get a rise out of us, and just the fact that she KNOWS she can get a rise out of us makes us laugh even harder. BUT, all the fun came to a crashing end last night when she, with all her baby finger might, stuck her finger up MY nose.....and lemme tell ya, I was NOT laughing. IT HURT!!! So, now we add, NO, Rory, no picking mommy's nose!!!! No, Rory, no picking your nose.

And she puked again last night on her bedtime bottle. No Rory, don't puke on mommy! She's cut an eye tooth, so that could be it. She's drinking her own bottles now, so I don't like to stop her to burp. I figure she'll stop when she's ready. Well, last night she drank 8 oz straight, sat up, burped and barfed in one fluid motion....guess I'll be stopping her next time. :) I'm still pretty new to letting her self-regulate....but it's pretty darn awesome!!!

We're Back!

We finally fixed our computer, for sure, this time. We had to back everything up and wipe it. But we're back. :)

I was feeling pretty defeated about Rory's feeding evaluation, but it took me a few days to realize that what they have helped us with already is actually working....sort of. Rory is no longer refusing at the start of meals. We are feeding her purees, and she is consistently eating about a tbsp before starting to spit and refuse. This is still concerning, but it's better than nothing. I also realized that I shouldn't just settle if the doctors have pre-conceived ideas about Rory's feeding problems. Yes, she ate great at the evaluation, but it doesn't change the fact that she can't survive without formula, on a couple tbsps a day. SO, I called the co-ordinator and spoke with her about a number of issues and questions that I had and i feel MUCH MUCH better.

I asked her what we are supposed to do when she starts to spit out her food. Initially we were told to reward and praise when she takes a bite, but now we must make her wait until she swallows the food before reward and praise. Needless to say, mealtimes have not been great since this new approach. We are also supposed to tell her sternly, "NO SPITTING". Another question I had was how much "ignoring" should we do before ending the meal. Seriously, after a few refusals, I KNOW whether or not Rory will continue eating. She said after a half dozen or so ignorals....lol...ignorings?.....refusals and ignorances....lol....anyway, then we should end the meal. I also asked if we should reduce her formula intake since she was obviously hungry the other day after vomiting her breakfast. She decided not to mess with her formula until we've had the scope and spoken to the GI. It will do more harm than good to try to "starve her to eat" if she is having medical issues that cause her pain. Soooooo, we'll discuss that at her next feeding on July 2.

I also re-iterated that Monday's feeding was NOT the norm...that's she's not eaten fruit since, but that she IS catching on to the positive reinforcement. It's just a matter of getting her comfortable enough to continue the meal past 5 minutes and 5 bites. My friend Sarah told me that the squeaky wheel gets the oil, so I decided that I would not be defeated, and that I will continue to push the doctors to realize that YES, Rory DOES have feeding difficulties, even if it is just caused by reflux. It's been so long trying to get this far, I think I convinced myself the same thing would happen again....she'd be pushed aside and we'd be made to wait another 6 months to a year for someone to listen.

So, yeah, it's been an intersting few days, and I'm kind of glad the computer was wacky. I was able to clear my thoughts and look at things with a new perspective.

having technical difficulties

I'm not sure if our computer still has it's virus, it's really messing with our web browser. The only time I can view my blog is by posting a post. I can't get any other ones to load. Hotmail doesn't work, only through msn. UGH....what is going on? We just bought McAfee Internet Security Suite for 50 bucks and thought it was fixed. I do NOT want to pay PC Medic $70/hour.

This is an edit: Apparently posting no longer works either...I can't see my blog....waaaaahhhh!!!!

Rory's Feeding Evaluation

Rory had her feeding evaluation yesterday at the IWK at 11:30am. I took her on the bus so Mike didn't have to miss another day of work. He'll have to miss a day next week for her endoscopy. Anyway, she threw up her morning bottle all over herself and the aisle. I had to hold her shirt out so she could finish puking. AND I didn't have a change of clothes, a cloth, nothing. I was mortified and so mad at myself for not taking a change of clothes. I should have known the bus would make her puke. So, I had to strip her off to her diaper and put on her coat. Then I bought her a shirt at the dollar store. LOL.

So, we get there and they want to feed her the foods she will eat first and then try the foods she won't normally eat. They showed me how to use positive reinforcement....they had all kinds of cool toys and she only got to play with them if she took a bite. They blew bubbles and had boxes that they shook and she could only see inside if she took a bite. They caught on very quickly to how curious she is. Then if she didn't take a bite, all four of us were to turn away from her for 20 seconds and start the process again. She caught on very quickly and decided to eat bites of bologna, cheese, soup, bread, pear and kiwi!!!!! ALL OFF THE SPOON!!! And she was playing peekaboo with them and smiling and laughing and eating and everyone had a gay old time except me. I was just about in tears. Mike and I KNEW this would happen. It's not that I was upset that she ate, just that she won't do it for me AND she made me look CRAZY!!!

They did say that she was delayed with her chewing skills, which is typical of refluxers. They want me to stop giving her pieces of things at mealtime that take forever to eat, and start giving her regular people food pureed and/or mashed, so that she gets more calories per bite...HMMMM....why didn't I think of that?? SHEESH!!! She won't eat purees...maybe a couple bites, that's it. So, we will be going back on July 2 to do another feeding evaluation using purees. If they can get her to eat purees off the spoon, I will be STOKED. It's so much easier. Obviously, she CAN eat, so it is most likely a behavioural issue, so this should work. After that they will provide support by phone. They said she doesn't have oral-motor problems and that the tongue thrust is just a preference thing.

I just don't feel like they can get it based on one feeding. But they are the professionals I guess. I've resolved to stop stressing so much about her eating, and just let her go at her own pace. She is growing and is healthy, and hopefully that will remain the case, even if she is always a poor eater. I've done all I can with trying to get her help. If positive reinforcement is the prescription, then we will fill it.

Her scope is next week, and if it comes back clear, my obsession with getting her to eat will come to an end. We will look forward to the future and getting her off medication.

They were no help when it comes to cup training, or giving formula advice. We were advised to discuss this with her pediatrician, and will be seeing her on July 17.

Mommy & Daddy are going OUT!!!

We're going to a movie tonight for the first time in 15 months. :) Uncle Mikey is babysitting. We are going to put her to bed and go to the 9:25 pm show. It is so great that Mikey will do this. Our cell phone doesn't work, but I will just tell him if she wakes up and doesn't go back to sleep he can rock her or get her up. He won't have to feed her cause she usually doesn't eat at night, unless it's 3 or 4 am. And if it's an emergency, he can call 911. LOL, funny, I'm not at all nervous about leaving. We are really exciting to have an evening out. I might even straighten my hair and put on makeup. YEAH!!!

Look who's holding their own bottle!!

Rory is a bit behind in giving herself her own bottle. We have been trying for quite some time. She always prefers to dump it on the couch or the coffee table or herself, or let it hang from her lips and suck air, never trying to tip it up. She had made some progress holding it while I am holding her in the cradled position.....BUT today I propped her on the couch and positioned her hands, like I have done so many times before.......and VOILA! She only drank about half of it and wouldn't do the rest, so I fed it to her. It's a great step forward though. Now if she would just drink it on her own without me "preparing" her we'll be all set! YAY for Rory!!!! You have no idea how exciting this is, 15 long months of bottle feeding her when most babies can do this at 6 months of age!!! YAY!!!

No wonder she doesn't like to eat!

Rory ate rice last night for the first time. It was mixed in with pureed chicken cacciatore. She also ate frozen yogurt. We were joking that she didn't want to go back to the feeding clinic.....then a while later she puked on Mike, the couch, the carpet and the coffee table, and retched into a towel until she was dry. :( No wonder she doesn't like to eat! I hate being happy when she eats something new, only to see it floating in yogurt vomit on the coffee table an hour later. But we remain optimistic that she ate RICE!!! YAY!!!

Rory's Feeding Clinic Appointment

It went well. We met with the psychologist and the co-ordinator. We talked for about an hour about her eating issues, and he is confident that her reflux is to blame. Eating has never been a positive experience for her because of the discomfort she feels. This is why she "loses" foods, because she will eat them, feel discomfort, and choose not to eat them anymore. He said we are going to have to make feeding as pleasurable as possible, singing, patty-cake, bubbles as rewards for eating, and to basically ignore her negative behaviours. Apparently, all the coaxing I have been doing has been reinforcing her non-eating. Asking her to take bites and doing airplanes etc is positive attention from me, which in turn, reinforces her not to eat. I mean, I'm not totally convinced, but will try the new approach without coaxing.

She weighed 18lbs 3 oz, which although small for 15 months, is actually an okay weight because she is so short. She is within normal limits for ideal body mass. He also said he feels her issues are more behavioural, rather than her having swallowing issues. I'm in agreement that reflux has caused some of these behaviours, but not sold that she doesn't have other things going on.

Because of the "tongue thrust" that we are concerned about, they scheduled a feeding evaluation for Monday, June 16 at lunchtime. This way they can see what I'm talking about and determine if it is a selective thing based on her tastes or if she will need to work with a speech language pathologist on some of her eating "mechanisms".

They said we are not overfeeding her formula, that she should still be getting hungry, so that is good. I was nervous about cutting that back, so now we don't have to. I really feel like we only scratched the surface today. Based on what happens at her feeding evaluation, they will better determine our plan of action for following her. We may just implement some changes at home based on the fact that she is not malnourished. The main thing is that they are going to follow her, so that I won't feel so alone in my frustration.

They said the gagging and self-gagging is because of the discomfort of reflux. It is her way of telling us she is refluxing. He said she definitely needs to remain on medication until she outgrows it.

I asked about a feeding plan, to try to get her to eat more calorie dense foods, and if I should be trying to get her to eat baby food, or table/finger foods, and he said we'll wait until they evaluate her and discuss that then. I'd love to see her eat some homemade, healthy baby food instead of canned soup and bologna.

All in all, I don't feel confident that they've seen the whole picture. Once she is scoped and we know the medication is actually doing it's job, and that these issues ARE behavioural due to discomfort, I think I will be more confident in their assessment. They said it will be a slow progress and she will still have good and bad days because of the reflux, but if we can reprogram ourselves to look forward to and enjoy mealtime, things should start to improve.
Here's hoping....will keep everyone updated.

The Public Gardens

Food Log for Clinic - Day 3

Today was a horrible eating day. :( She is starting to refuse the ONLY foods I have left to feed her. Her gagging behaviour is becoming worse, and she is now gagging herself with her sippy....on purpose!!! I forgot to add in her logs on here that she has drank 1 oz of water from her sippy each day. Now that I'm keeping track I am realizing she hasn't been drinking as much water or eating as many cheerios as I thought she was. How could I have been so ignorant of this????

Breakfast: 3 bites cottage cheese, 1/4 slice bologna, 3 cheerios, 6 oz formula

Morning snack: 1/2 baby sized oatmeal raisin cookie

Lunch: 2 bites sweet potato baby food, 3/4 oz chicken soup with brocolli, 3 licks of frozen yogurt tube, 8 oz formula

Afternoon snack: 1/2 slice cheese, 2 cheerios

Supper: 2 bites potato salad, chewed 3 pieces of chicken but spit them out, 6 oz formula

Evening snack: 4 cheerios and 1 FRUIT LOOP (she has always refused these before!)

Bedtime: 8 oz formula

Food Log for Clinic - Day 2

Well, Rory didn't eat well the last two days, so I'm a bit disappointed. Rather than writing down everything I offered her, I'm just going to write down what she did eat.

Breakfast: 1 bite of cottage cheese (major gagging), 1 bite of baby blueberry muffin, 1/4 slice of cheese, 6oz formula

Morning Snack: 1 baby-sized oatmeal raisin cookie, 4 Gerber lil' Crunchies

Lunch: 3/4 oz Cream of chicken soup with pureed brocolli, 3/4 of 1/2 slice of bologna, 6oz formula

Afternoon Snack: 2 cheerios, 4 cheezies

Supper: 1 bite mac n' cheese (gagging), 2 bites of shepherds pie (gagging, choking, self-gagging) and licked some cheez whiz off a ritz cracker

Evening snack: I skipped it because she wasn't having a good day

6 oz formula at bedtime
4 oz formula at 3 am

Food Log for Clinic - Day 1

Rory has been doing well with her eating, but it's still not great. In the last two weeks she has started eating cream soup and sliced meat!!! A big step forward!!!!
Amount Eaten is in brackets and bold
Breakfast:

1 tbsp Beechnut Apple Granola Raisin
Baby food - Stage 2 (None)
1 tbsp Scotsburn Cottage Cheese (4% m.f.) (.5 tbsp)
1/2 (12.5 g slice) slice of Larsen's bologna 5 pieces (1/4 slice)
(cut into 10 pieces)
Similac Advance Concentrate (24 cal/oz) formula (6 oz)

Morning Snack:

1 Arrowroot Cookie (1/3 cookie over 1 hour)
6 oz water in sippy cup (1 oz)
(grocery morning-portable snack)

Lunch:

2 tbsp Canned Campbells' Chicken noodle soup (1.5 tbsp)
(noodles chopped up)
2 Ritz Crackers (none)
1 tbsp Roasted Red Pepper Dip(.5 tbsp licked off crackers) caused rash!!
2 Delmonte pear slices (none)
1 Healthy Handfuls (6g) Oatmeal Raisin cookie (All)
2 oz Homo chocolate milk in dixie cup (none)
Formula (6 oz )

Afternoon Snack:

Half a Yoplait yogurt tube - frozen (a third of the half maybe) (melted)
10 cheerios (5)
2 oz Homo white milk in Rubbermaid straw cup (2 sips without spitting!!!)

Dinner:

1 tbsp homemade mac n cheese about 12 noodles (3 noodles)
small (square inch) piece of pizza (sucked off sauce and cheese)
1 tbsp homemade chocolate ice cream (none)
(whipping cream, Carnation Instant Breakfast, banana)
Formula (6 oz)

Evening snack:

Half slice Black Diamond Cheddar cheese slice (quarter slice)
Bedtime formula (8 oz)

So, when you add it all up for the day, it is actually quite good. We have not seen her eat this well in a long time. :)

On a mission

Today I moved all the furniture in our living room, dining room, and bedroom to make things more functional. Rory wouldn't stay off the love seat by the window, so now her playpen is there. I was so pleased with the choices I made. I also cleaned our couch and love seat...they were getting funky. I have been so down lately, coming out of the winter blahs, and it was so nice to have a burst of energy and get stuff done. I have decided I am far too negative, and should start counting my blessings more.
On the Rory front, nothing much new. She is eating very small pieces of sliced ham and bologna (yuck). Two days ago she choked on Melba toast, and tonight she choked on a soggy french fry. But she is really being a trooper in her booster seat. Much more patient, even though her overall intake sucks. She is starting to turn her nose up to cottage cheese, which isn't good, because it's her staple "breakfast" food. She will not swallow toast, grilled cheese, pancakes, waffles, french toast. I'm thinking about adding egg back, but will wait until we speak with the feeding clinic.

I'm pooped. Goodnight!!

1 week till Rory's feeding clinic appt!!!

I'm very excited. Weird, I know. I know they will not be watching her eat at this appointment, but I'm really hoping that they will acknowledge that she does have feeding problems. The hardest part about this struggle has been the self-doubt, probably brought on by her laid-back GP and pediatrician. When I question myself, I tell myself things like:

She has never eaten a whole jar of baby food.
She has never eaten more than 3 kinds of baby food.
She doesn't eat toast or bread.
She doesn't eat fruit of any kind.
She doesn't eat cereal.
She doesn't eat real meat.
She won't let me feed her.
She won't hold her own bottle.
She won't drink juice.

The list goes on and on in my head. I just want them to help me find ways to meet her caloric needs with food so that we don't have to rely so heavily on formula. I just want them to evaluate her to rule out other problems she might have that I may not have seen or known about. I just want them to tell me I'm not crazy and that there are better ways of doing things.

I seriously hate hate hate feeling so incompetent. It makes sense, though, why I would feel this way. It's always been a struggle and I don't think I've built the confidence that comes along with being able to acknowledge a need (hunger) in your child and then taking care of that need.

And if they think Rory is just picky and there is no problem, we will push on as we have done her whole life. I will cry crocodile tears and keep researching and trying my best.

She is pure joy. Outside of eating, she is not a difficult baby. She is always happy, very smart and loving. I thank God for her every day. I just want her to enjoy fresh strawberries and whipped cream, ice cream on a summer's day, yummy corn, rice, banana, apple, chocolate........there is great pleasure in food, and I want her to know that.

1 more week.....

Why do I do it??

Why do I do it? Why do I give her potatoes when I know she will cry all night?? Maybe it's because it's the only vegetable she will eat. Maybe it's because the pediatrician said she shouldn't be having bad reactions to potatoes. Maybe it's not the potatoes. Maybe it's a coincidence that she is always cutting teeth when I give her potatoes. If it's teeth, why does she sleep one night and the next night not? I don't know if it's the potatoes at all. What I do know is that I am totally exhausted. Not just from the crying baby either. I can't fall asleep anymore. I will literally toss and turn for hours, and when I do fall asleep, I am awoken by the horrid grinding of teeth...HORRID grinding that Mike has recently started. We figure it's stress related. Why can't my stress-response be grinding teeth instead of insomnia??? If it weren't for naptime, I'd be a zombie. Only 2 more hours till naptime. I LOVE naptime!!!

On the plus side, it is an absolutely gorgeous day out. I wish I had some friends nearby to go outside with. I took Rory for a walk to the store for cheezies, but the thought of walking for 20 minutes to the park, to play by ourselves, and walking 20 minutes back home just doesn't appeal to me today. I'm too tired! Which totally stinks, because it's supposed to rain the next two days.

It's soooo HOT!!!

I hate our apartment! It's like a sauna in here. 27 C is too hot for indoors! Rory's hair was so curly today from sweating. She's been sweating a lot lately. It's concerning Mike, but I'm pretty sure it's because of the heat in here. I've been letting her run around in her pamper and gave her a nice luke warm bath tonight. She loves her baths.

So, today, I took her high chair apart and transitioned it to a booster seat so she could sit at the table with us. We put her plate and spoon on the table, a towel underneath her chair and let her "eat". We took turns giving her potatoes. She didn't want her carrots or pork or applesauce. She had about a tbsp of potatoes and then she gagged on a lump and she was out! But you could tell she quite enjoyed sitting at the table like a big girl. She was very proud of herself. BUT, when it was coming on the end of our meal, she started throwing herself around in the chair, flung her head back and cracked it on the wooden chair, TWICE! But I figure she'll learn not to do it after a couple more times. lol. It was a nice little stress-free family dinner, though. :)

A Day Out

Yesterday we went to the wildlife park with Rory. It was exciting because she loves animals. I packed a cooler with bottles and cheese, cheerios and lil' crunchies. I was determined that everything would be great. I'm usually on high alert when we go out because Rory is a stinker when it comes to eating and drinking. She pretty much skipped breakfast and had her bottle around 8:30am. We set off for the park around 10am, and figured we could give her lunch and a bottle at the park. Yeah right. She absolutely refused to drink her bottle. We tried on a bench, and we tried in the car and she wasn't having it. She ate a couple pieces of cheese on the way home, and a couple cheerios, but Mike was concerned she might choke in her car seat (duh, I should have thought about that, but I was more worried about her eating something), so we waited until we got home. She finally drank a bottle at 2:30pm, and decided to skip her nap entirely.

I hate that she won't eat or drink when we go out. It's not a big deal, I guess, because I can usually get her back on track when we get home, but it would be nice to go out for the day and not have to stress about what she hasn't eaten or drank. It's always been this way. It doesn't make me optimistic for the coming summer and all our "plans" to do things with her. Last summer, every time we tried to go out she puked or refused her bottle, so we were hoping this summer would be different. I mean, it will be different, certainly not as bad as last year.....she's fine with not eating.....it's mommy that just can't bury the frustration and worry.

Oh well, all in all, it was a fun day. We didn't get pictures because what we thought was a good battery was, in fact, not. I wish you could have heard her laughing at the otters. It was precious and all worth it!!!

At the playground

Rory enjoying the weather with mommy & daddy. It's supposed to rain for the next 4 days.

Rough Night

As I suspected, Rory had a rough afternoon and night. She was crying and whining most of the afternoon, which is totally not like her. It must be the dang molar, plus she was gassy, which is really rare for her. Her little tummy is not used to too much food. She completely refused to take a bite of supper last and eventually had a meltdown. Then, I was rocking her to sleep and she kept holding her breath. I was wondering what was wrong and then she tooted. LOL! She cried on and off all night, and was up with the birds at 6am. This meant a 10am naptime, instead of 12pm and our whole day was out of whack. On the plus side, I got a lot done this afternoon, when I would normally be napping. :) I made some cold salads this afternoon, we'll be bbqing and going out for ice cream. Hopefully she won't be too tired, since she only napped until 12:30pm. Bedtime will be early tonight. YAY!!! It's so darn hot in here. Not that I'm really complaining, I suppose.....but, well, yeah, I am...it's gross in here!!! We have zero air circulation in the apartment. YUCK! Rory is back to her normal self today, not wanting to eat. I wonder if her high chair is playing a role? She ate a wonderful lunch yesterday....at the coffee table sitting in her recliner. Something to consider, I suppose. Maybe we should get her her own table and chairs???

Blast from the Past

Rory has never ever been a good eater. First it was fighting the bottle. She drank her first 6 oz bottle at 8 months of age. Then we started cereal.
This video is when Rory first started eating baby cereal. She didn't much like it, but we knew she was getting some. She has always been so aware of everything, as you can see. This video makes me laugh cause she is so cute, but she's been stubborn from the start. These feedings are what we now refer to as the good ole days. She eventually boycotted cereal for good a few months later.



This next video is when she began refusing cereal altogether. She even holds her breath at one point. She definitely knows what she doesn't want, even at this age.

Spit up? What's up with that?

Rory has never ever "spit up". She's always been an all or nothing puker. I know I mentioned yesterday that she was spitting up in her mouth. Well, today while we were coloring she bent down to pick up a crayon and spit up about 2 tbsps worth on her coloring paper. She looked up with the most disgusted look on her face!! I threw the paper away and wiped her mouth and she carried on about her business. It's just so odd. As I've thought all along, I think prevacid is crap for Rory. Both her GP and Pediatrician have refused a medication switch in the past, stating ppi's are all the same. (Proton Pump Inhibitors-they're supposed to stop acid production). Well, I can assure you her spit up smelled like acid. I feel bad for her because this has happened to me on occassion, bending over and throwing up in my mouth...YUCK!!! I don't know what her deal is lately. She didn't eat lunch or supper yesterday. I made quacamole to try, but she didn't like it. I let her try to feed it to herself at suppertime since it's thick and sticks to the spoon. Well, she gunked it all up in her hands, got an itch, and smeared it all over her face and in her eyes. She freaked and I wiped her off as good as I could....and while she was crying it was coming out of her eyes!! UGH. Why do I bother. Today, though, she was an eating machine. She didn't eat breakfast, but for snack she ate 6 cheerios, 2 Gerber lil' Crunchies, and for lunch she ate a tbsp chicken brocolli soup, 8 very tiny pieces of ham, and 6 very tiny cheese cubes....not to mention she kept taking bites off my cheesecake!!! Seriously, this is the first good eating day in FOREVER!!!! It's hurting her tummy though, cause she's already cried out 3 times during naptime, which she never does. I hope this doesn't mean she'll be up tonight.

I have a suspicion that since we cut her prevacid back, and switched her from a split dose to a nightime dose that she may be getting hungrier during the day. Prevacid has always screwed with her appetite. It would also explain why she is puking and spitting up. There is less of it in her system during the day. I don't want to start messing with things too much before her appts, but I am thinking about adding Zantac in the morning to see if that will help. She hates it, and it makes her gag and retch and occassionally vomit.....but it might do the trick if she can get it down. We shall see. I also have to run it by Mike. Will keep everyone posted.

She puked AGAIN!

I don't know what's going on with her? It must be the new bottles....maybe she's getting too much air....it can't be the ham cause she only ate that today, and this is the third time she's puked this week. Well, there's no way I'm investing even more money on a new bottle system for a 14 month old. These bottles were so expensive....I bought them out of my child tax and didn't tell Mike how much they were, cause I knew he'd have said NO WAY. But I got so sick of her spraying everything with the playtex ones. I'll give her another week, then I might have to go back to them. I thought the puking days were behind us. 3 times in a week isn't really bad, but when you get use to not being puked on.....well, it kinda stinks (LITERALLY).

Not only did she puke once tonight....it was actually twice. She was nice and bathed and had drank about 4 oz, puked on herself, changed her pj's, wiped her down, changed her pamper (she pees when she pukes) and sat down to give her the rest of her bottle, then, blah, all over her, me, and the chair.....lather, rinse, repeat, drank 4 more oz and off to bed with her.

She's been doing alot of spitting up in her mouth. Mike notices more than me. He came out to the kitchen and asked for her cup so he could give her a drink of water cause she made the puke face. It was sweet, in a sad sort of way. He's really an attentive daddy. :)

Rory gained!

I took her to be weighed this afternoon because I was SURE she had lost weight....she just looked skinnier to me....It must be because she is growing taller. Anyway, she weighed in at 18lbs 1 oz!!! Which is fabulous. I just don't know how she gained almost a pound in less than a month....it is so not like her!!! And she barely eats food. Today she drank 26oz of formula though, and last week there was one day she drank 30 oz....so it has to be the formula. Which is why I'm so scared to cut back on her formula.....it wouldn't matter as far as hunger goes either. We had been trying a new schedule for the last 2 weeks where we cut out the afternoon bottle in lieu of water, so she would go from 12 to 5 without eating....nada, didn't help at all. And it gave me super anxiety because I was making her go 5 hours with eating. But we had to try it to prove to ourselves it's not hunger based. So I added the afternoon bottle back yesterday. We didn't really cut down her formula....just pushed the afternoon bottle to supper time....now we are just skipping a bottle at supper time. She is currently getting 5 bottles of formula a day: early morning, breakfast, lunch, afternoon and bedtime and at night if she wakes up!! Probably why she keeps gaining I guess. I CAN"T WAIT TO TALK TO THE NUTRITIONIST!! Maybe she can help me figure out a better schedule. It's not that I need permission, but I can't cut down her only source of nutrition without some guidance. Wow, this got long.....I must admit though, journaling in this blog has really helped my stress level. :) Mike fed Rory supper tonight too!!! Well, she didn't eat....but it was nice to hear him complain about her eating too. We need to be on the same page, and it's hard for him to understand my level of stress and concern for Rory if he doesn't experience it himself. I LOVE that he is wanting to feed her lately, and I'm really hoping the feeding clinic will request him to feed her more! :)

Rory eating soup....momentarily

My batteries had enough juice to do a video, YAY! It's dead again, but oh well. I had to capture Rory willingly taking a couple bites of soup!!! She gave up rather quickly though. It's a short video because the camera died, but yeah, there was just more swatting....no eating, so you didn't miss anything.....I just don't get her. She clearly likes the soup. Maybe she doesn't want me feeding it to her, but wouldn't hunger override the need for independence?? I don't know.....I'm still stoked that she ate the soup, especially since I added pureed BROCOLLI!!!!!! A VEGETABLE!!!!!! Oh Yeah!! 2 Weeks until her feeding clinic appointment!! Still waiting on the paperwork to arrive.

Some fun with baby tricks

When you're a stay at home mom, you find yourself doing silly things sometimes for entertainment. I inadvertently taught Rory a trick we like to call "buckethead". It started out in the beginning as just having fun, but she now LOVES to put things on her head...hats, blankets, her toybox....she does it all by herself too. I caught her this time, and figured I'd get her to dance like a little monkey too.....she's my personal monkey....hehehehe......she's a good sport though :)

To eat or not to eat

Rory has been eating! Not much, but eating nonetheless. Mac n' cheese for the last 3 days. Christine suggested trying some cream soup. I had tried vegetable and tomato, which she didn't like. Cream of chicken made with whole milk....she ate it!!! I don't know how much because I didn't measure, but she had a good ten baby spoon fulls before starting to spit!!!
It's so odd that she cycles like this. And why does she always seem to improve once appointments are made?? It drives me crazy, because of the conflicting emotions...I'm HAPPY she is eating, but AFRAID she will stop again after our evaluation.....or even before then and it's one less thing I can feed her. I've been here before, fully expecting that we've turned a corner only for her to stop again.
The reality is that just because she is eating noodles and soup this week doesn't really change anything. She still can't eat small pieces of fruits or vegetables or meat or bread or yogurt, or a quantity more than a tablespoon or two before quitting, and the tongue thrust thing is just too hard to ignore. But If I make a list of what she eats, it really doesn't look bad.

What she will eat:
Cheerios
Cheddar/Mozzarella cheese cubes
Gerber Lil' Crunchies
Cottage Cheese
Cream cheese
Mac n' cheese
Mashed potatoes
Chicken Soups

I mean, it looks like she's just picky.....but when you look at quantity and how selective she is, she's not eating enough....UGH...the whole situation is going to put me in the nuthouse. Am I just crazy?? I hate feeling crazy when my kid eats!!!! Then she has a meal where she doesn't eat, and I'm like, "okay, I'm not crazy".......how SAD is that???? Well, I'm HAPPY today, that's what I know for sure....because I cracked a can of soup that she liked, without having to make it homemade.....I'm starting not to care too much about sodium and sugar and processed stuff....I just want her to eat...it's not like she's eating a whole can of soup anyway, or pounding back twinkies....YAY for canned, high sodium, cream of chicken crap!!!!
Well, naptime cometh.....not feeling very well today....but HAPPY!!!! :)
Boy, I think I am crazy. LMAO!