Rory's still not sleeping

Well, we had a wonderful eating week last week, but unfortunately Rory stopped sleeping through the night. She is back to her crappy eating, just picking here and there....but she's still not sleeping. I have been feeding her at night again, because it's the only way to get her to stop screaming. Unfortunately, it is only a short fix before she is up and crying again. Last night I fed her at 11pm and 3 am, she only drank 2 oz each time. I'm fearful it is a vicious cycle. Like, she's not eating again because she's eating more at night, but she's eating more at night because she needs comfort from an upset tummy....OR she's being a little shit and is crying because she KNOWS I'll come to her. I just can't figure it out. She is definitely testing my patience lately. I think it is more frustrating to have her eat for a week and then stop than for her to just NOT eat. AND, I'm afraid that since I veered off course with what the clinic wants me to do, that when we go back in on Aug 5th, Rory will be confused. Obviously, the distraction of the tv was only a temporary novelty for her, because it's no longer working. I have to crack the whip on myself and get back on track. I'm just so sad. I hate that I am inconsistent, I want to be consistent, but honestly, I'm tired. Tired of not seeing consistent results. Tired of not sleeping. Tired of feeling guilty because it's too damn hot to walk anywhere with her. Tired of wasting away our mornings just to get to naptime. I swear, if she wasn't so damn cute I'd trade her in. lol. Naw, I'm keeping her I guess. How could I not? Look at how sweet she is!

Hard to keep up!

I haven't exactly been the best of bloggers lately. Rory keeps me so busy, and when she is napping, so am I usually. She hasn't slept through the night in over a week. She is still waking and screaming. I change her diaper, add or remove cloths as necessary, feed her, burp her, rock her, lay her in her crib, rub her back and head and then tip toe back to bed for a half hour of rest and usually by the time I have fallen asleep, she wakes again.

We've decided after some discussion that it's definitely NOT teeth, and are teetering between the issue being digestion and/or hunger. She has been lunging toward her bottle in the middle of the night like she's starving. Perhaps she is actually having *gasp* a growth spurt???? We are praying this is it and her sleep will soon return.

We went to Rainbow Haven beach yesterday. Rory loved the waves. She would literally run toward the water as a giant six foot wave would come crashing down and we'd have to leap to snatch her up. FEARLESS! That is Rory in a nutshell. FEARLESS. This fact makes mommy extremely FEARFUL. lol.

Rory is going through a phase where she wants to dress herself. It's very funny when she comes out of her room wearing pants on her head or a shirt around her neck. She goes in her dresser and comes out beaming with pride. It's freaking hilarious!!

Well, I must go as Rory is making art on our walls as we speak. Thank god they are washable crayons!

Rory's New Hat!

I love love love her new hat!! She is so stinkin' cute in this outfit. She looks like a girl and not a baby. ADORABLE!!!

Our Friday Outing

Friday, Rory and I had breakfast at 8am, and headed off on the bus downtown to Uncle Mikey's place. Our plan was to take Taylor and Rory to the beach. First, I had to go to Superstore and find something for Rory's feet while in the water and some ready-to-feed formula. (It's been too hot to cart a cooler). They had neither items there. We then took 2 buses to Dartmouth. I got my formula, a straw cup for Rory and sunglasses. Then we went to McD's for lunch. Rory had a couple pieces of salty fries, and a bite of my bun. She wouldn't drink her bottle. So, we get to Kelly & Taylors around 1pm and Rory still will not drink her bottle. We decide to wait until she drinks. By 2pm, she still hadn't had anything to drink. I decided I couldn't take her to the beach. It was too hot and she hadn't had a thing to drink in 6 hours. Taylor, though, being the sweet little girl that she is, was happy to stay home and play with Rory in the kiddie pool in the shaded back yard. :) Rory played for 1/2 hour and then it was 2 buses back home. She finally drank her bottle at 4 pm. A fresh bottle. I had to dump the ready to feed down the drain....what's $3 per bottle, bah, no biggie, lol. All in all, it was nice to get out and see Mikey and Tay and Kelly, but I can't wait for the day we can take Rory out without worrying if she will starve herself.

I love this pic of the girls. Rory is 16 months, Taylor is 6! She was also FTT as a baby and saw the feeding clinic. She's still a teeny tiny thing, but so sweet and smart.

Updates

Rory had her pediatrician appt on Thursday. She weighed 18lbs 4 oz, 29.3 inches tall. This means only a 1 oz gain since May 12th. :( Good news is her biopsy results were negative. All of the feeding issues we deal with are now considered behavioural, as a result of the reflux. While the feeding clinic is satisfied that she is not underweight, the pediatrician and GI still feel we need to fatten her up a bit more. The pediatrician said we could keep her on infant formula and she'd see us back at 18 months. Right now, she is deferring to the feeding & nutrition clinic.

Rory is actually doing well with her eating. We have traded a strict behavioural feeding protocol for a combination of me feeding her and her feeding herself, in front of the tv, lol, which is actually working well. Rory is now eating 2 soup cubes/day, made of cream of chicken soup, pureed porked, broccoli, green beans and peas & carrots, frozen into ice cubes, and she lets me feed her the entire thing without a fight. :) She is also eating ice cream and yogurt, bologna, cheese, toast, cheerios, lil' crunchies, and arrowroot cookies. The quantity is still not there, but she is eating something at every meal and snack. She still outright refuses pieces of fruit, vegetable or meat, which poses a problem for upcoming daycare.

I got the call last week that she will be starting in September. I have an appt on Wednesday morning to see the daycare and discuss her feeding. I'm still waiting on the call from the clinic to discuss what they feel our options are for having the daycare accommodate her. The pediatrician was adament that the feeding clinic will speak with the daycare, since she has a medical condition. She is expected to feed herself lots of things, including fruits and vegetables, which she can only eat pureed in soup at the moment. We were told we couldn't bring in our own food. I'm willing to see how she does eating with the other children, but want to be prepared if she can't eat what they offer. I'm really excited for her though, to spend time with children every day.

Last night for supper, Rory ate a soup cube, 1 tbsp chocolate ice cream and 2 bites of yogurt, and I fed them all to her without a single peep!!! I was so happy that Mike got to see us do that. We were all very proud and happy, even Ror!!! It's so nice when she doesn't swat or whine. Of course, she cried most of the night with tummy pain. At first I thought it was her teeth, so I gave her some ambesol, but when we were on the couch in the wee hours, she let go some "man gas", and then I knew. I feel so bad that when she eats she gets tummy pain. I don't know what is causing it. I'm afraid to admit it's the ice cream because she loves it so much. I limit her to a tbsp because it's chocolate. I really really hope it's not the new soup. I'll find out in a few days I guess.

Pics of our Beauty!!

Rory & Her Dill Pickle

Our Weekend Away

My mom came to visit Saturday morning, which was great. I was missing her and she got to see Rory again. She also brought a baby picture of me to prove how much Rory looks like I did as a baby. She brought Rory a child-sized toy baby grand piano. I cooked breakfast, cleaned up and packed, and we headed to the Valley for Mike's family reunion. It was nice to meet his relatives and see his family again. After the fabulous eating day Rory had on Friday, we were very eager to go away and enjoy ourselves while Rory ate everything we fed her and all would be well in the world....until she decided not to eat any breakfast. Not even a bite. She had her usual cheerios and cheese for snack, and had some mushroom soup for lunch. She actually ate quite well at the reunion, sitting in her stroller. We just fed her stuff off our plates, ham, cheese, bun, she licked some dip off of some broccolli, and had three big spoonfuls of fruit dip. Satisfied she had eaten, we relaxed and watched her playing with the other children, squealing and being chased and doing the chasing, and running and falling and really, she had the time of her life.

Figuring she must be tired, having only napped for 45 min that day in the car, we head home and attempt to put her to bed, which, as she always does when we're away, she refused to do. So we let her stay up, penned in her playpen (we were so tired from chasing her all day). The child just would not fall asleep. So at 10pm, I take her upstairs and go to bed too, with her in the playpen beside me. She eventually falls asleep for about an hour, and wakes up SCREAMING....I tried to settle her and she would, but only momentarily and then it was screaming on and off all night. Mike decided to sleep downstairs to I took her in bed with me....but she would fall asleep and still wake up screaming. She wouldn't eat, so I determined she was in pain, ambesol did nothing....A tummy ache from the mish mash of food she had eaten.......the night is a blur, but I'm pretty sure she slept a couple hours in the early morning. When the sun came up and I had my coffee I realized it.......NO PREVACID!!! With all the excitement and change of routine, I had forgotten to give it to her before bed. It was all my fault. :(

So, on very little sleep, and Rory refusing breakfast we decided we'd try again to relax, and headed off to the beach with Christine, Terry & Jack. I swam for the first time in 2 years....it was so nice. Rory was shivering before we even made it to the water, so I decided not to take her in. Christine took her in while Mike & I ate some lunch, and she enjoyed herself, though, she was pretty cold. Rory decided she wanted to eat our onion rings, though she could only lick them. She didn't want baby food. When we got back to Mike's parents, she had 3 bites of tomato soup, another first for her, and for supper she ate some baked potato. It took 2 hours to get her to go to sleep when we got home. It took TEN oz of formula to get her to settle.

Could she be fighting bedtime because she is hungry? I usually don't give her more than 8 oz for fear she'll puke, but she took 10 oz last night and was asleep before I laid her in the crib. Mind you, it was 10 oz over 2 hours. It makes sense she'd be hungry, she mostly only gets formula. I'd feel terrible if I was letting her cry at bedtime, going in and out and in and out, all because she wants more formula....I sure hope that's not what it is. I thought it was a phase. :(

Not one bite of breakfast today...

and that's all I'm going to say about that. :(

Rory eating Blueberry Baby Food!!!

Not only is she eating FRUIT but it's BABY FOOD!!!!! AND she fed it to herself with the spoon and her fingers, and also let me feed her some. Seriously, it's like a whole new world today. :) She ate 1 egg yolk and 1 tbsp yogurt for breakfast and some sliced turkey and 3 cheese cubes for snack.....and 2 tbsp mushroom soup and 1 1/2 tbsp blueberry baby food for lunch, she had her first sucker today, had 1 tbsp cream chicken soup with pureed chicken, peas and carrots mixed in for supper and more blueberry baby food for dessert, PLUS 26 oz of formula and TWO sips of milk/yogurt drink from a straw....I am literally over the moon today!!! It was all without a fight, that's the most important thing. I don't even care about the mess if she EATS!!!! YAY for Rory!!!! It's like I had a normal baby today, and for the first time in her life, I was looking forward to her next meal. I sure hope she keeps this up.

Broke the rules

This morning I broke the psychologist's rules and fed Rory in front of the TV. We'd tried this in the past, but never really got anywhere. Now that she's older, she immersed herself in Elmo's world and ATE her breakfast!!! Without a peep. We aren't supposed to use distraction, but I mean, good grief, she ATE!! I took a hard boiled egg yolk, mashed in some cream cheese and whole milk so that is was a nice fluffy consistency, and she ate it all. So, I decided to try some yogurt, and she ate a whole tbsp. I gave her the bowl with the other tbsp of yogurt and a spoon, and she tipped up the bowl and sucked the yogurt out, AND she fed herself one bite from the spoon!! So, I was like, okay, let's try something else. So I put her formula in a cup, get a straw, and she sucked up the first drink and spit it out, but she actually swallowed two more drinks after that....this child does not drink like this EVER.....I'm trying not to get too excited, because, in the long term, we won't be able to use TV, like at daycare or if we're out.....BUT SHE ATE YOGURT!!!!! I really needed this today.

Rory & Goldfish Crackers

So, last week, I discussed my concern about Rory thrusting goldfish crackers with the feeding clinic. I don't know why, but I'm obsessed with getting her to eat these. It's like, the "gold" standard of baby snack foods. Well, Rory decided to take a bite and swallow it, once again making me look over reactive at the clinic. Well, she hasn't eaten a bite of one since without spitting it out, so today I got video of it. I am going to take this video with me to our next appointment. The co-ordinator felt that Rory was tongue thrusting due to preference, which didn't settle well with me because she likes goldfish crackers, but it appears to me like she CAN'T physically eat them. What do you think? It just seems weird that this is how my 16 month old eats a cracker. You can hear her refluxing too, if you listen carefully....oh, and the self-gag on the tray, lovely. She's just not feeling well enough to eat. She's healthy, other than reflux, so WHY won't they let us treat the reflux with a different medication????? Sheesh. I may actually beg at her ped's appt on the 17th.

Positive reinforcement continued...

After the telephone rang, it was all downhill from there. I'm technically supposed to ignore her for longer periods, and I probably shouldn't have rewarded her for spitting her food, but she IS trying. I wish there was one magical puree that she would eat consistently, that had meat, grains, and vegetables in it. :) Or vegetable stuffed cheese or something....oooh, fruity cheezies......or 50 calorie cheerios. I'm sooooo frustrated. I want her off the bottle, drinking juice, and willingly eating FOOD!!!!!!

Positive Reinforcement

Rory is having a really rough week with eating. My optimism is gone. She is refusing just about everything again. She understands what she has to do for reward and praise, but she's having a really difficult time doing it. She's getting more teeth, her reflux is acting up, so I'm trying to be patient with the "positive reinforcement" approach, but right now I just don't think it is going to cut it. Please excuse the "baby talk" in the video. I'm trying to stop, but it's really hard. hehehe The rest of the video will be posted above.

Who is this screaming child???

I don't know what is up with Ror this week, but she has been miserable. I'm assuming it's teeth, but she's never been this bad with teeth. A phase maybe? She literally screamed for two hours straight last night. I would soothe her to sleep, put her in her crib, and as soon as I attempted one foot out the door, SCREAMING inconsolably. And it's not just bedtime. Today she cried and cried for no apparent reason. Yesterday, she didn't want to nap, so I thought that might have been the cause, but really, she's been grumpy all week. She's starting to show a temper too. I just don't know where my sweet Rory is. She was sooooo bad in the dentist's office tonight, and Mike took her home kicking and screaming while I was getting x-rays. Ugh. I could literally hear her screaming on the outside of our apartment building, but by the time I got upstairs, she had cried herself to sleep. Mike was really frustrated, but I told him this was actually positive because HE put her to bed. :) YAY!!! I really hope it's just her teeth and that this screaming will pass. I don't know how to deal with it, because she's usually pretty happy.

Rory's First Time in the Ocean

We took Rory out to Hubbards to visit with Morgan B at her campsite today. She loved feeling the water on her feet. Then she fell in. LOL! It was cold and so was she, but she didn't complain one bit. It was my first experience with a "sandy" child though....that was NOT fun!! It was a great day, except for the MAJOR puke when we got home. :( Poor bug, she got so sick. She only took 4 oz at bedtime, so I imagine I'll be up with her tonight. I think the campfire smoke, the car ride home, and the cheezie pig out, all made for an upset tummy. But she had fun, so that's the most important thing. :)

Rory's Run-in with Ranch Dressing

Sigh. Yet another thing she LOVES that she can't have. What is it with dips? Hummus, roasted red pepper dip, ranch dressing....all cause rashes. It really sucks because dips are so easy for her to lick. Boooooo!

Rory Posing in her new outfit

Thank you so much Jeannie!!! I bought her a skirt sized 18 months that sat nicely around her ankles. I was so happy to get a size that actually fits. YAY!! Good call on the 12 months. :) She is sooo cute, and she KNOWS it. LOL.

Rory's 2nd Feeding Session

I took Rory to her second visit with the feeding clinic today. I took pureed haddock and carrots, mixed into milky potatotes. Rory LOVES this stuff, but only loves it a tbsp at a time. I told the psychologist that she usually gives up at around 5 bites. It's so weird because it is almost ALWAYS at the 5-bite point. It's pleasing to know we can at least get to this point now, because a month ago, if it was a puree, we got nowhere. Anyway, unlike last time, Rory decided to behave as she normally does at home. Right at the 5 bite mark she would take the bite and spit it out. She continued doing this, all the while we are ignoring her each time. Well, she had a meltdown, screaming, crying, etc. I told them, I don't usually allow it to get to that point, I will just end the meal. Here's the funny part......they actually got her to take a bite AFTER the tantrum, which I've never been able to do. They feel confident that we just have to continue with the positive re-inforcement, and that she will eventually eat. My concern is the small amount she's eating at one sitting. They figure we should reduce her formula intake, but that I should figure this out with the pediatrician on July 17th, and they would like to see us back again on August 5th, to follow up with her weight, see how things are going and do another feeding. I feel terrible for saying this, but I feel a sort of 'satisfaction' from Rory showing them her true colours when it comes to meal time. They also said they were glad to get a real sense of our mealtime issues. I mean, she actually stopped eating at the exact bite I had reported to them over the phone and in person. LOL. Anyway, she is making great strides with what she will try to eat, it's just a matter now of getting her to eat MORE. :) We can work with that.